Musings

I know you are still there.

You close your eyes, the world is dark and the day is finally over. You can sleep now. You are exhausted, rest your mind. Fall asleep. Tell me, in that, the moment just before sleep pulls you in deeper, are you happy? Do you feel something? I do.

I feel different.

Just before sleep takes me, I wonder who I am.

Do I still know what I want? Am I becoming who I want to be? Am I a good person?

With each question I face the reality that I am unsure. I do not just feel different.ย I feel like I am lost. A whole part of me is gone, I want her back.

And yet.

I know you are still there. I hear you sometimes, beyond the noise and chaos of this new life. I see you sometimes. a quick glimpse and then you are gone. But you are always with me. I know you feel like you are not enough, but you are everything. Your heart and your thoughts are so important. You are important. Without your softness, I am too hard. I know you are scared, because this is not where you expected to be, but you cannot leave me. You cannot leave yourself behind.

 

I know you are still there. I am you, you are me. We are not as strong apart as we are together. I will find you, and show you that it is ok to be who you are.

Please, for me, do not let this world take away from you. Do not let it make you unkind, thoughtless and hopeless. Don’t, not even for a second, think that this is it. Do not let the world take away your magic, your heart and your ideals. Do not let a life turn you hollow. I love you.

I close my eyes. I am tired. The day is over. The world is dark. I am looking for myself.

 

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