There is nothing casual about me. I am not invested in anything half-heartedly. I am either here or there, I am nowhere in between. I am somewhere, fully and dedicated. Although the world is not black or white to me, my loyalty is. I am loyal to my goals and faithful to my choices. The world is colourful, and I am stable and rooted in my beliefs and decisions. It has never appealed to me to do certain things without reason or motivation – there is always a thought behind my every action. Behind every thought is a feeling or an intention.
For a very long time I felt shameful of this cautious and serious side of myself. I wondered if I would ever be easy-going and relaxed. I questioned whether I would ever be able to stop thinking for a few hours and just let go. But the truth is, I am only at ease when I am secure.
I am thoughtful, emotional and unwavering. I am dependable and solid. I am the strongest person I have ever known. There is no shame in being considerate and wanting some kind of stability. In a culture filled with quotes on ‘wanderlust’ and ‘howling at the moon’, I am craving home. Home is an adventure to me.
I need an anchor, a lighthouse, somewhere to go after I’ve been away. I want a home, where I can feel safe and loved. I need the people I love the most around me, they are my home.