Musings

Broken heart

I thought I understood what anger felt like. I know the emotion like an old friend, but she has changed her behaviour since the last time we spoke. This anger is a type I have never experienced before. It is aching, it is the type of anger that results in tears and writing letters that will never reach the recipient. This type of anger burns my chest and it feels as though nothing will soothe the burn. My tears have becomeย hot and wildย and I can’t even tell when they will pour out anymore. The anger I feel is a grieving kind of anger for something so dear that has been lost. This anger won’t let me sleep, without thrashing and kicking the covers off of myself. I am so frustrated by my life that even in sleep I am trying to escape. ‘Please let me sleep. I need to rest my mind, it has been working overtime.’ – I beg And since my heart is broken it is now up to my mind to make the important decisions. When a heart is broken, it does not only mean that it throbs in your chest, or that it feels cracked, but that it is broken in the sense that it can no longer function the way it should. The heart is now aimless and incapable of making sound decisions. There is no amount of alcohol or “I’m here for you”‘s that can fix it or fill the gaps. It is broken and it might be for a while.

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