Musings

Dear Diary

Today I learned that you can be happy and sad at the same time. It was hard to wish for something and wish it away at the same time. It was difficult to see my future flash before me and knowing that I had no control over it. I tried to focus on my exams but all I could think about was myself in 5 years time. Who will be with me? where will I live? Have I travelled more? I need to reassure myself sometimes that I am still very young. I need to make sure that ambitious and impatient little ‘me’ inside my head takes a break and has some tea.

Today, I realised that there are certain things about myself that I am proud of. I was impressed by own courage to face things and deal with things. there are certain things that I want from this life that I am not willing to give up on. There are certain hopes and dreams that are permanent and non-negotiable.

Today, I really loved myself. I felt that it was okay no matter what I did because I would always have me and that it would always be enough. I am good, I have compassion and I am worthy of love and happiness. I deserve to smile.

Diary, although I know what I want and in actual fact DO have control over my life, I am still a littleย girl on the inside. Making these grown-up decisions can be exhilarating and empowering but also very scary. Sometimes, Diary, I could use a little TLC from my mom and a good little cuddle from my puppy.

Goodnight Diary.

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