We cannot control people. People ultimately make up their own mind, usually seconds after being faced with a decision. It doesn’t have to be a preemptive thought that influences this decision and further action.
Think about when you are sitting at a restaurant, you know what you feel like eating, but once faced with the choices, something either catches your eye immediately, you can talk about it a bit: “this looks good”, but as soon as the waiter comes around, you feel pressured and you just order exactly what you want. You are faced with a choice, and only once you are in the position to choose, do you decide on exactly what you want.
People are not always going to abide by our personal values and principles. I am often disappointed when someone does something I feel goes against what I believe in. It’s not my choice, but I question my relationship with them. We can’t all agree, I wouldn’t want to live in a world where I couldn’t win arguments as often as I do. It’s pretty empowering, it a little self involved, but I love debating.
However, I do believe that we do unto others as we would like done unto us. Perhaps we wouldn’t like to get cheated on, betrayed or hurt, but if you are willing to do it to someone you supposedly care about, whats the big deal if someone does it to you.
This in mind, we can ask, beg and plea with someone to treat us well, to respect us or even respect themselves. This will never come about unless that person chooses to. It’s a choice, it’s not ours, we can’t put that burden on ourselves. I do.
I get so angry when someone in my life behaves towards me in a manner of which I would never behave towards them. It infuriates me when I put my all into something, anything and receive either no appreciation or nothing in return. I know we do things from our hearts, or we should. I guess in some ways I do. But I usually do things, not always, but mostly for the people I truly and deeply care about. They are therefore already adding value to my life.
However, if eventually I no longer feel cared for or loved by this person, I feel used. I feel taken advantage of, not because I didn’t receive anything, but because I feel that my efforts were either exploited or unimportant. That hurts.
But we can’t control the way people react to us. I know if we could, we’d all be so bored, peaceful, but bored. We wouldn’t understand the joy of feeling treasured and valued, it would be a given. It would be expected. I don’t expect this from anyone, but I savour it, and I acknowledge those that make me feel as though my efforts have contributed to their happiness