Sometimes I just need to process everything, things that have happened, future plans, they all come and visit for tea. However, they enjoy visiting all at once, at first its overwhelming and then all at once it becomes still. The ghosts singing me into a lull, taking a stroll through my mind. I know that silence is truly golden but this is still bittersweet. It feels like a long chat with an old friend.
“The hardest thing is to live richly in the present without letting it be tainted out of fear for the future or regret for the past.” – Sylvia Plath
I often chastise myself for wishing away my disheartened emotions, after moments of joy they feel as though I’ve fallen and scraped and scarred all my limbs and cut open my lip. All over my body I feel a heaviness, as though I could sleep forever.
But while they ache and scratch, they are mine and mine alone. I would never want to feel numb, even as I wish it I know it will never be true. Because as wonderfully lifting as happiness feels, despair is just as hauntingly beautiful.
It is okay to indulge in the heartache, it is okay to take late afternoon naps and hear nothing more than your own heartbeat. It is okay to enjoy it a little while the pain seeps through your chest. Its okay.
Now and then, we experience true bliss, and it just makes all of this so much more worth while. it puts everything into perspective, and we truly appreciate where we are in our lives and how hard we worked to get to this point.