Musings

Unfortunately, we want what our memories have

I am forever thankful for my past, the people who changed my point of view, my world and ultimately my destiny. It definitely doesn’t rest on any one person, but there are relationships that shaped my ideals and friendships that propelled me far beyond my thoughts. And aren’t those the best kind of connections? You meet someone, you get talking, you have a few things in common and suddenly you are learning new things, suddenly you have their best interest in mind.

You are rooting for their success and they want the world for you and once in a while you can have a few drinks as well. The friendship is spectacular; no one else gets your jokes. The relationship is on fire, you have never desired someone so much, you want to spend every breathing moment breathing with him or her.

And suddenly it’s so toxic, you can’t breathe anymore or your friendship seems as though it is splitting you into separate directions. You’re stuck, no longer moving forward and perhaps moving backwards. You can’t seem to talk to them anymore; every minute feels like a chore, you can’t step outside of your mind when you are with them. The connection has done a complete 180. What now? When is toxic, toxic enough for you to walk away? When does survival instinct kick in?

There are some relationships that will destroy us -do you leave before or after the destruction, jumping over the rubble and the pieces that are your memories?- Unfortunately, we want what our memories have, we what continuity, eternity and infinite interactions. When we outgrow people and connections that once brought us joy, we have adapted too much or too little within them.

Just because something isn’t working now does not mean it never will, just because two worlds are conflicting now, does not mean they will never concur. It means that now, in this time, space and universe it is not meant to. Something else needs to happen before “this” can. Now, this doesn’t mean we live our lives in hope that something we have left will return, it means if it will, it will, and you will never be quite sure. We can only walk this earth being true to who we are, only then can we find joy.

Happiness does not fall on any one person in our world, but on us. People can make us happy, but they can’t make us. You will be happy alone.

If we are no longer part of someone’s life anymore, however hurt we feel; let us walk away with love. Acknowledging the memories with a smile, and leaving with kindness and gratitude. Resentment is a waste of energy and time, and we can’t hate someone for not being able to relate to us any longer. We all deserve happiness; we all deserve people who fill up our lives with great attitudes and motivations for our success. We all deserve to be considered and loved.

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