You feel the uneasiness, and the world wants to consume and ravish every part of you that’s left. It doesn’t wait, it keeps blurring and you’re stuck in the eye of the storm and the wind is going too fast and you don’t know if you’ll ever breathe easy again. Your lips quaver and your eyes ache from the incredible amount of anguish that wants to spill over. Your heart cannot endure so much struggle in fact; it wants to beat right out of your chest and sometimes you think that would not be as painful as this feeling right now. Your hands can’t stop trembling and you want to just hide them away because they are conveying how unstable everything is inside of you. And then, it happens, you sob and you cry out from within and you feel a relief and then it happens all over again. It happens everyday and you just wish it would stop, but then you hope it won’t because it’s the sweetest agony you’ve ever felt.
It’s so poetic, this love and adoration for someone else. You finally understand true loss and you don’t want to imagine its absence.
The aftermath becomes a symptom of a cause that is larger than it should be. We hold on to the naïve version of our history, dredging it up when our minds cannot be distracted anymore. Every single person on this earth understands loss and the gravity of its affect. The one thing we still have not grasped is how to use it to our advantage. It’s a process, and it’s a journey. It’s a chance to get in touch with ourselves again, regardless of how uncomfortable that task is. It is an opportunity for growth. When we are ready, truly ready, we accept things as they are, we stop wondering about how everything that happened could have been different, and we allow ourselves to embrace the change.
Just breathe it in, own it, acknowledge it, take your time.