Musings

We just want to feel something good, something amazing that never ends

trIt’s the world; it rushes past you, it runs past you, people run past you. They are walking, briskly, no direction but their own. I am stuck in the whirlwind of people I don’t know, some of them I do, I guess. Where are we all going? Into nothingness, a structure we all follow, conformity we all complain about but follow. I like these raw moments of clarity, emotional ripping clarity. My body, no further away from a knife, cutting into my stomach, my back, my chest, any part I want to cut out.

 

Be rid of my body parts that hurt, that feel nothing but excruciating hurt, and then nothing but nothing. We are running into walls, building lives that don’t exist, they don’t matter. We just want to feel something good, something amazing that never ends, we are conditioned to believe that’s all that matters that feeling of belonging a sense of pride over a life paved out for us by those we don’t know personally and who can’t point us out individually.

 

My pulse races, my heart slows, my throat scratches on every part of my life that probably won’t even matter in the grand scheme of things. What is the grand scheme of things; the big picture? I ask you this because I know not about these fundamental ideas, I too and walking briskly but I cannot even be sure if I am not being carried there.flowers

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