I want to believe that we don’t purposely hurt each other, but just one sober glance at our lives and I know we do. Sometimes we play games. What is the purpose of this? Power? Is it for our own sanity? Who suffers more from these games we play? The person we feel deserves some rattling, or ourselves? I am not proud of how and what I do in order to feel in control. I am more than sorry to those that are dragged with me during these moments.
Control is a sore point for me, I crave it, I obsess about it, I dream about it. It is safe to say the need of constant control seems to control me more than I ever could any situation. I don’t mean to participate in power struggles, but I do, I need the upper hand. I guess in some way it is the only way I feel I am protecting myself. I could argue this, as it more harms than it does any good.
Things will never fit perfectly. Some things might fall into place naturally, if they are right for our lives at the time. However, there will always be some sort of work or effort in order for us to keep them. In this regard, I do not want perfection. Our lives should be growing, evolving, changing and improving. Our minds and souls should be more alert, cultivating consistently and constantly. Accepting this, acknowledging that we cannot control EVERYTHING is truly enlightening. We have enough power to change things in this world for the better, so why are we fighting for more than we need?