Musings · uncategorised

Forgive Myself

Raechel,

I am so sorry, I am sorry for not allowing you to indulge in your feelings. I hope you can forgive me for this. I was trying to protect you, and we know how this ends. In my attempt to protect you, instead I closed you off to the point where I hurt you more than whatever I was protecting you from ever could. You do not deserve pain, I will always be here. I want to always comfort you. We can be lonely together.

I’mย also sorry for not letting you follow your dream of travelling sooner. You want so much to explore but I prefer comfort and I am afraid of disappointing everyone by being reckless. The greatest injustice is to suppress ones desire.


I’mย sorry I ever made you believe that you do not deserve to enjoy your money that you have worked so hard for, or the time you get to yourself. I should never make you feel guilty about doing nothing. You work so hard every day and you deserve a creative outlet and you deserve to relax. You do not have to fill up every second of your day with work to feel productive. I finally understand how being too cautious with these things can lead to a feeling of emptiness. Rewarding yourself is okay. You should never feel gluttonous for wanting anything.

Once more, I am sorry for not telling you how proud I am of you. You have come a long way, and like always in times of adversity you pull through. You are so strong, and I sincerely apologise for not acknowledging how for the first time, instead of letting anger and frustration eat away at you, you have used them to better yourself. That alone is an amazing accomplishment.
I love you, please forgive me for my shortcomings.


Speak soon, Raechel

Songs Of The Day:
Birds-Lydia
My only One-Boy&Bear
Shelter-Birdy
Concrete Wall-Zee Avi
Lose Your Soul-Dead Mans Bones
End Credits-Chase & Status
Time-Chase & Status
Sail-Awolnation
100 Suns-30 Seconds To Mars
Up in Flames-Coldplay

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