Musings · uncategorised

We are constantly making ourselves worthwhile to other people

Why are we prone to holding onto empty relationships, unfulfilling friendships and people who drain us of our good energy? Why are we wasting our time chasing after relationships that hol
d no future. Conditional relationships, the ones where we are only important some days, on their terms. Why is it that the people who don’t deserve our time consume most of it, in our thoughts and in our lives. Why do we throw away important moments in our lives for people who disappoint. You cannot love half of a person-there is no such thing, you cannot stick around because of someone they were at one moment, hoping for their goodness to come out again.

There is a comfort in past relationships, familiar grooves, and spaces. When we are lost we turn to the familiar, holding on so tight, scared of loss. History is what binds us, it is well-known, it is the understanding between two people, someone knowing you for being there for moments in your life.
Inside jokes, the way you can say one word and immediately you are transported to somewhere, but it is somewhere we have been. There is a fear of the unknown, a panic because of something new. We feel delicate and vulnerable worried about if it can destroy us, we hesitate in our lives, indecisive, moving backwards, reversing when we should be pushing our foot on the petrol, and pushing it hard. Eventually you feel stuck, not sure why you aren’t moving, feeling lost in your own history must be the most helpless feeling. The frustration of waking up every day and feeling suffocated.

There are relationships that propel us into the future towards transformation, promise and reward. The positivity in our lives is contagious, but so is negativity. There are toxic relationships, the ones we tend to force, pouring ourselves full heartedly and receiving nothing back. The best love, is the one given without an expectation of something being given back. But then giving yourself over to someone who puts you last, who disregards your feelings and is unsupportive is not worthy of such love and loyalty. We are constantly making ourselves worthwhile to other people who have no desire to do the same, but at what cost? It is a give and take, that’s life, everything we give we get, every loss has its gain and every gain has its loss. Every relationship has its flaws, and every flaw has its relationships .

There are also those people who we lose touch with, lose completely out of our lives whether it was circumstance or timing that contributed to this loss or not who speed back into our lives with a vengeance and a purpose, becoming a part of our existence in a new and amazing way. Every person, relationship, loss, memory has a place in our lives, impeccable timing whether we see it at the time or not. We lose ourselves in people and moments, and find ourselves again in someone else except we are different and new. How beautiful that we are all a part of each other, how we hold onto an experience with someone from years ago and how it’s changed us for our future experiences. 

It all comes down again to knowing the difference between someone who is negative, destructive; someone who holds us back; who doesn’t fill our cups of life up. They become draining and not committed to the game of give and take, only take; versus someone who is a meaningful feature in our lives, someone worth the effort, who gives us as much as we are willing to give without expectations. 


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