Musings · uncategorised

I find no dignity in being too proud. I find arrogance.

I am proud to be who I am, most of the time. Sometimes I’m too proud to say I’m sorry. I’m too proud to talk about things that have hurt me, I’d rather not let anyone in on my secrets, my past and my failures. I’m too proud to admit that I haven’t moved on as much as I say I have. I’m too proud to forgive the people who made me feel pathetic, insecure and ashamed of myself. I’m too proud to say that I was ever ashamed, insecure and felt pathetic. I want dignity. I want to have some self respect. I stand for certain principles and I live by my own moral compass, but I’m too proud to admit when I’m wrong.
 
 I find no dignity in being too proud. I find arrogance. I find someone who is too afraid to be pushed down, too afraid to be put into a position that forces them to grow as a person. And why should anyone want to fall and break their pride? It’s painful.
It’s as if there’s a vulnerable part of you exposed to the world. Everyone can see you now, except now they aren’t seeing what you want them to. Everyone can see the things you have never even admitted to yourself. 
 
How terrifying that we hide the things that we are ashamed of by pride and arrogance. We hide our apologies, our love and our life behind a façade. And why wouldn’t we hide? We live in a world focused on superficial beauty and this constant battle to be perfect. Don’t be too opinionated, don’t be too sad, don’t be too smart, and don’t be to emotional, don’t be too sincere, don’t be anything we don’t want you to be. We play games in relationships because we are too proud to admit we have real feelings for this person. Don’t show them you care too much.
There’s a certain dignity in being genuine, in being ok with yourself, in showing someone you care about them. There’s a certain beauty in saying sorry, a wonderful relief in admitting we were wrong and an honour in asking for help. We don’t always have to be stubborn, we don’t always have to act in the most acceptable manner. There is a dignity in letting your emotions get the best of you and acting upon your true feelings and being passionate because you aren’t holding back.
 
There is also however dignity in knowing the difference between situations that could potentially help you develop as a person by swallowing your pride and those that are best to walk away from without a word. The things that will hinder your growth versus the things that mean something to you. This is having enough self-respect to let go of the things that aren’t worth the battle. This is not letting pride get into the way of moving forward in relationships and taking responsibility. It is loving sincerely, kindly and passionately without being afraid.

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